Sitting on the family’s
ugly floral couch,
Little brother and I
dared not fidget.
Knowing doing so would
make Dad come more undone.
In situations like
this, we found ourselves many times.
It was always best to
wait till the old man tired.
This day, however, was
worse than all the others.
As a family, we were
looked down by others.
I’m sure they could not
miss our house’s tension when sitting on our ugly couch.
Living the family lie
was very tiring.
I longed for escape and
it showed by my tendency to fidget.
To fidget was only one
of many of our crimes. We were yelled at all the time.
Our parents, not known
by most, were prone to frequently come undone.
Little brother and I
came accustomed to living a life undone.
We were well aware we
were not like all the others.
But being obedient
children, we pretended we were all the time.
If we did not, we knew,
we would end up sitting for a long time on the couch.
I don’t believe my
parents knew amount of effort we made not to fidget.
These lengthy lectures
about how much we were lacking made me so tired.
Even telling my tale now
is making me feel incredibly tired.
Now that I am the age
of them, way back then, I live in fear of becoming undone.
At least, I’m old
enough not to be told to stop fidgeting.
In fact, at this point
in my life, I don’t like being told anything by others.
In addition, as God as
my witness, I will never own an ugly floral couch.
It appears what I will
do and not do is how I spend a lot of my time.
I suppose, I should
return to the topic at hand and talk about that time,
when little brother and
I were waiting for the old man to tire.
I can not express the
extreme distaste I sill have for that couch.
I must continue and
reveal how the old man went beyond undone.
It really was worse
than all the others.
Excuse me while I
fidget.
Talking about that time,
I always start to shake. Sorry, I always mask my shakes with fidgets.
As a general rule, I
find it best, not to think about that awful time.
His marathon rants were
usual. When he go the gun it became worse than the others.
When he said we all
were making him do it and put the gun in his mouth…all I felt was tired.
I guess the old man
really came undone right then.
All I cared about was
going to bed…and getting off that damn couch.
What I am haunted by,
is being so evil, that I dared to feel tired,
while my father, with
gun in mouth, became more undone than any other time.
Ironically, since then,
I spent a lot of time seeking redemption from others while sitting on a ugly
couch.
